WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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