I smell stomach acid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
