its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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