Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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