So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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