Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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