I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
