Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
