Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
