you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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