i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
