My room smells like vodka and shame
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
