Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
