member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
