Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
