the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
