I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
