this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
