I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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