he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
