I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
