I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
