His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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