She said her name was "party"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
