honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
