They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
