grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
