Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
