I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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