mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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