I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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