But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
