I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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