Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
