# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
