Plan B is the new Plan A
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
