cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
