As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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