it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
