..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
