Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
