Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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