Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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