We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
