No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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