Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
