you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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