the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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