When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
