We won't sleep together?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
