i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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