Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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