The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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