wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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