sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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